How to Fake Happiness

A step-by-step guide to convincing your loved ones you do not in fact have depression.

It is always best to start with a smile. Not just any smile though. Not an overenthusiastic grin that shows your teeth, not a micro-smile that doesn’t quite reach the eyes. You will fool them best with the kind of beam that sparkles your eyes and brings out cheekbones they didn’t know you had.

And then you start your day. You laugh at nearly every joke — to laugh at ALL of them would raise suspicions. You say the things you usually do — or at least the things you used to usually do before your mind became a hurricane. Before the bowls of cereal began to be left untouched, before you started leaving your curtains closed because you slept so much it began not to matter if you knew the difference between night and day. Your job is to repeat the pattern. If you used to flirt before do it abundantly if you used to curse before, shame any sailor; and if you used to gossip before it is now your duty to cause scandal and chaos in the neighbourhood.

Do all this from the time the sun rises until it reaches its bed. Do all this from the time you rise until you reach your bed. Do all this from the time your mind is a hurricane up until the waters calm, and the land becomes dry again and the sand soft enough to lie on. Do all this until hopefully, you won’t have to fake it anymore.